Last year I was approached by Nick, Chris, and Jordan, three of my high school friends, and asked whether I wanted to live with them on campus for our first year of college. Before this I had been told to never room with friends and that random roommates were easier to live with. That just seemed a little too far-fetched for me though. How could I get along with a stranger better than my own friends? So I accepted their offer and have moved in with them to our campus apartment. It took a while, but eventually hostilities began to arise. Our particular problem has been a battle between sanitary and sanity. For instance, we have a dishwasher, but Nick is the only one who loads it and unloads it. That doesn't mean he likes doing it; instead it's more like he cannot stand the sink towering with dirty dishes and everyone leaving their cups throughout the apartment. The worst part is that Jordan takes it upon himself to be as messy as possible until Nick caves in and starts cleaning. At least I take out the trash; Jordan and Chris do not do anything productive as far as sanitizing of the apartment goes. I know for a fact that we aren't the only room mates with hostility issues because my best friend Keegan is already begging me to live with him next year so he can get away from his current roommate. The problem with this situation is that we have all been friends for at least four years now and none of us want our friendship to end. Not only can roommate hostilities be harmful to those involved, it can also become a problem for the resident staff (Lovejoy et al. 594). Roommate disputes between people acquainted with each other before college need to be resolved on a personal basis to keep stability between not only the acquaintances but the resident staff assigned to them as well.
At the University of Cincinnati, which we currently attend, the resident staff have the title Resident Assistants, or R.A.'s. There is at least one R.A. on each floor of their dormitories in order to resolve problems on the various floors. One solution to roommate problems is by contacting the floor R.A. and getting them to change room assignments. For instance, if one roommate strikes a serious nerve within the other, the other may think it wise to resort to violence, and, unfortunately, there are a number of reasons that violence occurs between roommates. There are more students on medication entering college now than ever before and most students have not had to share a room with anyone prior to college (Pulskamp). Thus, sharing a room can lead to confusion and frustration between even the best of friends, and once these feelings escalate to violence, there is little chance of working out the situation verbally. In this case reporting the problem to an R.A. is the safest option in dealing with the situation.
If there is still a chance of settling a roommate dispute personally, simply relying on an R.A.'s assistance creates problems for the R.A. and, though they are there to help solve problems, does not help an individual's problem solving skills. In future careers, chances are that former students will no longer have an R.A. to hold their hand and solve all their problems for them. Hopefully for most students, college is a time of preparation for the future. Suppose I graduate and become a journalist and get a job at a local newspaper. Later, I have a disagreement with my editor because I think they are too nit-picky about my writing. We end up arguing, and by the time the article is due, we have nothing to present to the paper. Chances are we would get fired for messing around arguing instead of doing our jobs. No one at the head of the paper would waste time giving me a new editor because they already know I cannot work well with others, much like R.A.'s would get fed up with constantly switching room assignments. If one is truly at college to better their future, relying on others to solve problems will not benefit their future careers and is therefore the wrong way to go.
The first correct step in resolving a conflict between roommates is for both to find out what the other has an issue with. The resolution needs to suit all roommates as fairly and equally as possible, otherwise conflicts will continue to arise. As Education Portal, a website devoted to giving tips to college students, says, “Living together involves blending two lives and two lifestyles.” Just in case one room mate is a dirty double crosser, everyone should write down the agreements they come to with each other as a means of proof. It's sad, but no room mate is one-hundred percent trustworthy, and one should never believe them when told otherwise. An important thing to note is that when discussing conditions between roommates, one should never yell. Roommates are very skittish creatures and may lose focus on the topic at hand if yelled at. Every roommate needs to have a say in finalized conditions, and it's all right if a compromise needs to be made. Once a plan is made that everyone can agree on, it can be a good idea for all the roommates to reassure each other that they are indeed serious about the plan and do not believe it to be a fun method of passing time. Then, when everyone follows the plan, a healthy relationship between roommates can develop and each one of them can feel more proud knowing that they are one step further away from their mother's nest.
College is a hard time for any student. After a long senior year in high school of unbearable placement tests and innumerable applications for colleges and scholarships, students are forced to get ready for a career they will be pursuing all their lives. If a student is lucky enough to go to a college with friends then they already have a bit of support to push them further down their career path. I often converse with my roommates over assignments I have trouble with and they confide in me if they have the same situation. The support and friendship these roommates give shouldn't be wasted on a dispute over living conditions if they can be worked out. It is up to each roommate to communicate with the others in order to keep the room a safe, positive habitat for living, studying, and, of course, partying.
Works Cited
Lovejoy, M. Christine, David V. Perkins, and John E. Collins. “Predicting Fall Semester Breakups in College Roommates: A Replication Using the Social Satisfaction Questionnaire.” Journal of College Student Development 36 (1995): 594 – 602.
Pulskamp, Andrew J. “Tales from the Crypt: Roommates from Hell.” U Magazine. Winter 2007 <http://www.colleges.com/Umagazine/articles.tafcategory=campusclips&article=
badroomates>.
“Tips for Living with a College Roommate.” Education Portal. 15 August 2007 <http://education
-portal.com/articles/Tips_for_Living_with_a_College_Roommate.html>.
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